Translation of the song Заказала в интернете... artist Chastushki (Russian Ditties & Limericks)

Заказала в интернете

I have ordered plastic phallus

Фаллос - очень дешево.

Off the 'net - price can't be beat!

А по почте хуй прислали,

I've received a dick: so callous,

Ничего хорошего!..

Nothing good will come from it!